This month, I applied for four writing-related positions. So far, I’ve had one interview. I’ve also had two emails telling me, “Sorry. You didn’t get the job.”
Earlier this year, I got to the interview portion of and then lost a big job opportunity that I’ve been dreaming of since I was a Mia Maid, and it was really hard. Getting to the interview means you seem qualified, not getting the job after the interview means…what, exactly? That you stink at talking yourself up? That you’re too weird? That you’re not enough? They don’t usually tell you. I try to take the Thomas Edison approach and realize that it may take 1,000 tries to get a light bulb, but sometimes I just want to curl up in bed with a Jane Austen movie and give up. Who needs a light bulb anyway?
Being a college graduate is just about as hard as I worried it would be. To have even found four job openings where I can use my writing is a blessing, but now I’m down to two. I’m a little under the weather about it, which is why this post sounds like a bunch of pessimistic garbage. Sorry. 🙂
This is my dream, darn it. And I’m too stubborn to do anything less than what I love.
I guess that, in a way, I’m weirdly grateful for all of my failures. It makes me realize how much trust the Lord puts in us. I mean, can you imagine? He’s got an entire world of people to try to save, and He allows us to do it. The crazy part is that He allows us to do it when we don’t even feel like we’re qualified. There was this one time when I got called to be the music director in Sacrament Meeting. I couldn’t read music at all. There was this other time when I got called to head publicity at the LDS Institute. I had very little graphic design experience. I’m usually never qualified when the Lord calls me for anything, and yet, He still does. That, to me, is love.
He doesn’t care what my resume looks like, He only cares about what it’s going to look like. He doesn’t care how badly I screw up in the interview, I’ve already got the job before the interview. He’s the best employer in the universe because He sees our potential way before we do. He completely reverts the equation employers have, that you have to be qualified to get the job. To me, that is mercy.
For Him, I can keep trying. I’m sure He’s got something great in store. I just have to have the patience to move forward and shake off all of the dust from when I fall. A light bulb awaits me somewhere.